Letter
by Big-Apple-Red
Summary: She wants them to adopt her, and she tells the judge why.


If we believe the statistics I should be in trouble right now. I should be some seventeen-year-old drug-addict and I shall be dead at twenty. Because if we follow these same statistics, the children of drug-addicts end up, for ninety percent of them, like their parents. So I am in the ten percent that remain. Sir you must know that I do not believe in luck, maybe in fate, yes probably in fate. Otherwise nothing can explain the fact that I am here in front of you.

People know my biological parents, people hate my biological parents. Then we will not speak about them, we will speak about my parents. The parents who are here for me, those who know what I like, what I hate, the ones who know when I am in a bad mood, who know everything about me because they are interested. Because that's what being a parent is about, isn't it ?

Let's begin at the beginning. I met my parents six months after my arrival at the social center, I was four years old, my hair was curled, and black, and the fear in my blue eyes had not disappeared yet. I did not leave the backpack with which I had been given up, afraid that I would be left once again. People were kind I suppose, I do not know, I do not remember, I do not remember my companions; the only person that I remember is called Lydia because it was the only person to who I dared to talk to.

It is Lydia who one day asked me to follow her in her office because she wanted to speak to me. She was the one who sat me on her knees and said to me " We found you new parents ". She was also the one who reassured me when I did not want a new family, because I did not want anybody to give up on me, a second time. The abandonment is something awful for a child, to believe that you were left there, because you had forgotten to say "Thank you", or because you had forgotten to make your bed. The abandonment makes the child guilty of a thing that he did not do.

After she reassured me, and after she explained to me some details which I would know how to remember, Lydia told me that I shall meet my parents-to-be the following day. I do not remember my state of mind at this moment, I must have been afraid I suppose, and I had probably not understood everything. But I do remember the excitement in my heart when Lydia told me that she would take me to go shopping to find me a new dress. Because even though I was four years old, I had never worn dresses.

The following day quickly came, I believe that I was scared and excited at the same time. I remember that I brushed my hair for a long time, and that for the first time after six months of having them untied. I remember the smile on my face when I put the pink dress that we had bought the previous day, and I remember the disappointment when Lydia was not the one coming to look for me.

I remember every detail of the three hours that followed my arrival in the green room. We would believe that the green room has this name because walls are green. But no, they are light gray and white, I believe that the green room wears this name because green is the color of hope. The green room is for every child a new start, a new chance to be happy again.

I remember that a lot of people were there. I do not remember their faces, I do not remember their names, but I know that there was a great number of them. I remember that Lydia managed/directed them all, and that every five minutes she would look at me smiling. I waited during thirty two minutes on a chair whose colors are still a mystery for me, fixing the door or the clock above the door.

Lydia had said that when the minute hand reached twelve, they should be here. Then I fixed, I fixed the minute hand, which was moving slowly around the clock. I believe that they often asked for my name. My age too. Whether I wanted to drink or to eat. People were kind. But my eyes did not see them, my eyes fixed the clock and the handle which threatened to open in a moment.

The door opened. They were there. I believe that I fixed them for a moment, trying to memorize in a blow of eye what they looked like. And when I tell you that I remember every detail it is because it's true. I remember what they were wearing, their hairstyle, their glance. Because at this moment, everything was in slow motion.

I think that it is the moment to say that I had never had a mother. For little that I remember my parents, I remember my father, he was the one who took care of me, not my mother. I remember that my father put on me, who made me learn how to braid my hair alone. My mother was there, but at the same time she wasn't. And I needed a mother, every girl needs a mother. I had never had a mother and just like that I had two.

They came in, and people stopped moving, or then it is me who got away from the world to look at them. I remember their glance towards me, I remember the smile that Mama had for Mommy. I remember as well that Mommy whispered something to Mama. I have never known what, but I always thought that it was something about my dress. I was proud of my dress.

I do not remember the details of the conversation between my parents and Lydia, I just remember that Mama turned around to look at me while Mommy focused on what Lydia was telling her and the papers that she had to sign. Lydia then made a sign to tell me to come see her.

It is Mama who spoke first. It is her who took my hands in hers, who looked at me in the eyes and who said to me "My name is Brittany". It is her who passed a hand in my hair before caressing my cheek with her thumb. It is her who gave me Frank, my pet Unicorn.

Mommy just stayed there, and when we know her we know why. Mommy is not shy, she really isn't, but before she knew me Mommy did not know how to do. I believe that she was afraid, and I believe that I had understood her because I too was afraid. I remember that it is me who went to her. It is me who told her with my small shaky voice " I am Grace ". I also remember the smile that appeared on her face. And it is at that moment that I understood that never ever would I be given up again.

And it is on this day Sir that my new life started. But Your Honor, you have to understand that it is not with that that I am going to persuade you that my parents must be recognized as such. No, I do not go either you tell my life, but let I say to yourselves just some anecdotes.

I like to say to myself when I am sad, that Mommy and Mama are my real parents. And not because I am sad and because I need to be reassured. No, you see, I like to believe that my hair are black like Mommy's, that they are long and so beautiful just like hers. I like to believe that my blue eyes do not come from my biological father, but from Mama. I like to believe that I am the perfect mixture of my parents, that I have Mama's innocence, and the strength of Mommy. I like to believe that I am their real daughter, even if the blood does not make everything, but it helps otherwise I would not be there, in front of you, explaining to you why my parents must become, to the law, my parents.

I believe that I always considered Mommy and Mama as my parents, and not as my foster's parents. Most of people will say to you that it is because I was too young and because I needed somebody to cuddle me. But no, I just think that there was a connection, kind of a "love at first sight", you see ? However Mommy and Mama were not always Mommy and Mama. In my heart, I believe I always thought so, but it is difficult to ask the person who welcomed you if you can call them by a small nickname that means so much.

We could believe that Mama was the first one, but it is not the case. Because Your Honor, I can promise you that I love my parents fairly, but I cannot deny, and all the persons of my circle of acquaintances cannot deny it either. Mommy and I have something, something that nobody can have. You know when just with a glance you understand. Mommy can tell you many things about me and my mood of the day, only by looking at my mouth. She can describe all the gestures that I make when I am nervous. She knows when I need her, or not. It is indescribable. She knows it. That's all.

Like I said Mama was not the first one to be renamed. Mommy was the first. I was six years old Your Honor. I had a good life, I was happy, I believe that my parents had finally gained my trust, and it was not an easy thing. I was a normal girl, surrounded with love. I remember that it was the month of March and that it was three days after my birthday. We were talking about Family in class, and I have to say that this subject put me particularly ill-at-ease. However, I am raised well, and I said nothing and listened to the lesson as if I was feeling okay. But there was this day where the professor asked us to make a family tree. She did not ask us to go back up until century behind, but just up to our grandparents.

I believe that it was "the droplet that breaks the camel". I was only six years old, and I was confused, I did not know what to put. But I said nothing, I believe that the professor lost patience believing that I refused to make the work that she had asked. It was not the case, I did not know what to put. I believe that I also made a mistake that day, by not saying to her what I had in mind. I believe that I was ashamed. Not ashamed of my parents, ashamed of the fact that I knew nothing about my family, no matter what it is. I did something horrible this day there Your Honor. I slapped one of my professors, I am not proud of it but I did it and later I left to hide in the bathroom.

I can see very well the expression on the face of my mother when she came to look for me this evening, at first the incomprehension when the teacher told her that I had slapped her, the fear when the same teacher told her that I had not left the toilet stall since ten o'clock this morning not even to eat something. I did not see all this, but I guess it was like that and when I saw her face when she opened the door of the toilets I understood. I expected to see some disappointment or anger and all I saw was anxiety.

Her voice was calm but so anxious when she squeezed me in her arms telling me that everything were going to be ok. It was the first time that Mommy was so close to me, normally Mama was the one who hugged me, she is the one who cuddled but she was not there and Mommy had to do it. I was ashamed and I did not want to look at her, but she kneeled to be at my level and lifted my chin before finding my eyes. I love you. These were the only words that left her mouth. And I said the word Mommy just after, burying my head in the crook of her neck. I felt her smiling against my head.

I believe that in her heart Mommy was always jealous of Mama, jealous of the fact that she could hug me when she wanted, jealous when Mama kissed my lips softly just so that I gain in confidence, and the fact that Mommy was the first one changed everything, in our relation. And I could assert today that Mommy cuddles me more than Mama.

My parents met in high school, they had difficulties making their circle of acquaintance accept their relation, I think that it is why I have no grandparents. Actually I have grandparents, but they are not the parents of my parents. I think that what I try to say here Your Honor, is that with my parents I found more than two mothers. I found a family, a family not related by blood but a family all the same. And I am going to tell you about my family. Because this family makes my life, and will always be a part of it.

" Okay, well, family is has place where everyone loves you no matter what, and they accept you for who you are ", this sentence it is what said to me my aunt Rachel, while I was only seven years old. She said it to me because one of my friends at the school had to refuse to play with me because I had two mothers. And this sentence your Honor means many things and is enough for summary my family.

I have many uncles, I have many aunts, I shall not quote them to you all, not it is uninteresting. But I am going you to present two, because they played an important role in my education. Auntie Quinn is the first person close to Mommy and Mama that I met, it is not difficult to know why, these three they are inseparable.

Auntie Quinn and I relationship it was a little bit like cats and dogs. I think that I loved her but because she sometimes spent more time with my parents I was just jealous. But Auntie Quinn was always there for me, always. And it is the first one to lie to my parents to protect me. I am going to say to you something your Honor which even my parents do not know. I have make love with a boy Sir, and I was late, imagine to be sixteen years old and to discover that you might be pregnant. Sir, Auntie Quinn is the one who took care of me, it is her who bought a pregnancy test, it is her who waited two minutes which seem fifty there. It is her too who hugged me in her arms when the test returned negative. But I believe that in the most important thing in this story it is when she said to my parents that the test belonged to her.

I believe that we know people who love you when they are ready to lie for you, I do not say that the lie is a good thing, but people who love you can make anything for you. And I know Your Honor, that Auntie Quinn will always be there for me.

Auntie Quinn is married to Uncle Puck. I believe that everybody who knows him can assert that Uncle Puck is the most perverse man I know. But Uncle Puck stays up for us. His harem as he likes calling us. Uncle Puck is surrounded with women, and we can say that it is not an easy thing, but he loves us more that everything and I can confirm that by telling you what happened last summer.

Every summer, Your Honor we go on holiday with the High School Glee Club of my parents, they are family, this year the holidays will be at home and I can say to you that I wait for that. But it is not the point here Sir, last year the holidays were in New York at Uncle Blaine and Uncle Kurt, because Uncle Blaine had a show during all summer. All went well, everybody appreciated the holidays and we always found something to do. But this summer there I had problems, I met somebody that I would never have of to meet. Uncle Puck noticed my anxiety, the way that I was jumping every time somebody appeared behind me. An evening he followed me, and this evening Your Honor, Uncle Puck saved my life, if he had not been here, I shall be rape your Honor, because this person that I had met was bad, bad as the black of a banana.

And all my family is the same that Uncle Puck or that Auntie Quinn, I know it, we protect the others, because that's what it is to be a family, take care of each others. And Sir, you not the one to say to me if yes or no I belong to this family by looking at a piece of paper.

I try to find for several days, why Your Honor, my parents, people who raise me for fourteen years, would have no right to adopt me. I would have been able to believe that it is because my biological parents prevent them from it, but it is not the case. I could believe that it is also because they are too young to take care of a girl of my age. I could believe however it is because a girl of my age cost some money. But not Sir, I believe that if we are here today it is just because my parents are two women.

Say to me that I make a mistake Your Honor. The glance that you give to me now say to me that I am right. You realize that if I had wanted be adopted by alcoholic parents I would not have to display my life in front of you. I would not have to prove you that my parents are the best parents that I was able to have.

I have a last thing to say Your Honor. Whatever is your decision at the end of this judgment, both persons that you see sat there on the bench looking at me like I was a God, these two persons are my parents. And it is not because in fifteen minutes you will say to me the opposite that I shall not see these two women as my parents.

I have nothing more to say, your Honor, it is to you that returns this decision, it belongs to you to decide where I shall be tomorrow. And personally I prefer to be in my bed, in my house surrounded with love.


End file.
